The first semester ended, and so did the summer session.
Now, as we step into July, Han-gyeol and I will soon have to part ways for a while.
As the days I can spend with Han-gyeol grow fewer, my heart refuses to settle.
The thought of a life without him already fills me with sadness and regret.
The bed we shared.
The sofa we sat on together.
The dining table where we ate side by side.
In a home filled with memories of us, I’ll have to endure a year and nine months.
But I have to stay strong.
After all, the one who’s truly enduring this is not me, but Han-gyeol.My sadness and regret would only add to his worries right now.
The best I can do is to show him even more love and affection.
Though it’s unsettling to know I can’t do much else, I’ve decided to focus on cherishing the present.
“Eun-ha, I’m heading out now.”
“Mm, take care~”
“I won’t be back too late.”
“Alright, have a good time~”
Tonight, Han-gyeol is having dinner with his friend, Jang Yujin.
“I might drop by my parents' place while I’m at it.”
Since I’d be alone, I thought I’d pick up some fall clothes and restock on kimchi from home.
Dressed comfortably, I took the subway to my family’s house.
“What brings you here unannounced?”
As soon as I arrived, I saw my brother sprawled on the sofa, as expected.
“I didn’t come here just to see you.”
“Neither did I say I was glad to see you.”
“I came because we’re out of kimchi at home, so I thought I’d grab some, along with my fall clothes.”
“Where’s Han Han-gyeol? Didn’t he come with you?”
“Nope, he has dinner plans with a friend.”
I took out a container from the kitchen drawer and headed to the kimchi fridge.
“Ah, that’s too bad~ I wanted to see him.”
“You won’t be seeing him much from now on.”
“Why? Is he going to the military?!”
The word “military” made me freeze for a moment.
I turned to him and nodded slowly.
“He is? When?”
“He’s expected to go in September. He applied for the Air Force.”
“Wow… Yeah, some guys go right after the first semester ends. Are you sure you’ll be able to wait for him?”
I frowned slightly at his question.
“What’s with that? Of course, I will.”
“Everyone says that at first. My ex-girlfriend also said she’d obviously wait~.”
My brother turned back to the TV.
Yes, he did have a girlfriend before he enlisted.
However, they broke up when he was a corporal.
Though I didn’t want to bring up a sore subject, I asked carefully.
“What did she say when she broke up with you?”
“There were things we couldn’t understand about each other. Looking back, it probably would’ve ended that way anyway.”
“But can’t people work things out by talking if they don’t understand each other?”
My brother glanced at me slightly.
“Do you think it’s that simple?”
“No, I know it’s not, but if you try to talk things out—”
“Talking things out isn’t as easy as you think. You and Han-gyeol… You two are special.”
…He’s right.
“So, as someone who’s been through it, do you have any advice? Like, how to wait for someone?”
My brother responded indifferently.
“Just keep living your life. I get that Han Han-gyeol is a huge part of your world, but rather than waiting around endlessly, you should stay busy with your own things to make time pass faster. Tell him that, too. It’s good to come out of the military with something, even something small.” ŗåꞐŎＢЁṣ
“Han-gyeol plans to study for his tax accountant license while he’s in there.”
“That’s huge. And if he’s in the Air Force, he’ll get frequent leaves. He’ll probably get an off-base day every six weeks or so. Just think of it as long-distance, not the military. It’ll be easier that way.”
“You think that’ll help?”
“Han Han-gyeol would probably feel more at ease if you spent your time studying rather than hanging out. Not that he’d worry, given how laid-back he is, but it’d be good for him to know you’re working on your goals, too.”
“Exactly. Even if he wouldn’t worry, I don’t want to do anything that might remotely concern him.”
“Exactly. Just keep dating like you are now. Just think of it as seeing each other a bit less.”
Today, My Brother Looked a Little Different.
“But why did you break up with your girlfriend if you thought all this through?”
“I didn’t realize it back then; it only became clear after we split. If I could go back in time and relive my life, I wouldn’t act that way.”
“But… you’d have to go back to the military again.”
“Holy sh—! No way! I’d never do that again. If you ever meet someone who’s been to the military twice, introduce me.”
“Why?”
“Anyone with the mental strength to go through the military twice can probably conquer space! I should be friends with someone like that.”
Though the conversation veered off in a strange direction, my brother’s words were unexpectedly helpful.
“Thanks for the talk. It actually helped a lot.”
“So… does this mean you’ll buy me chicken?”
“I’ll even throw in cheese balls.”
“You should be the older sibling.”
I think I finally know how to handle this.
****
When I got back home, I decided to have a chat with Han-gyeol before bed.
“Han-gyeol!”
“Hm?”
“Come here and sit for a bit.”
I patted the spot beside me on the sofa, and freshly showered, he settled in next to me.
“What’s up?”
“I have something to tell you.”
“Yeah? What is it?”
“You’ll be going to the military in two months, right?”
“Mm-hm.”
“I’ve made up my mind!”
He tilted his head curiously.
“What kind of decision?”
“I’m going to keep in touch with you often, and we’ll go on dates when you’re on leave. But… let’s not get trapped by a sense of duty.”
I looked straight into his eyes as I spoke.
“What exactly do you mean by not getting trapped by duty?”
“Like, for example, I won’t insist that you only spend time with me when you’re on leave. If you want to be alone, you can relax at home. And if you want to go on a solo trip, you can go, too.”
“I appreciate you saying that, but, as I mentioned before, you don’t need to be overly considerate of me…”
“Yeah! And I’m not saying this just for you. I also won’t let myself feel bound by obligation. It might sound a bit selfish, but if something comes up, there might be times when I can’t meet you for a date. If that happens, I hope you’ll understand.”
Before he could respond, I added quickly.
“And remember this, Han-gyeol. I love you, and I’ll always love you, only you. But, until recently, I thought I had to always be considerate of you, and I worried it might make you feel pressured. It could also make me start expecting things in return. So… would it be alright if I waited for you with a lighter heart, just like now?”
His eyes widened in surprise.
Maybe he hadn’t expected me to be so straightforward.
“I don’t want you to push yourself too hard, either. If you wait for me like this, it would make me the happiest.”
This time, it was his turn to continue.
“I won’t be disappointed if you can’t go on a date when I’m on leave. Sure, I’d miss you, but I want you to keep studying diligently and waiting for me, just as you are now. I’ll be working hard, too, while I’m in the military.”
“You always work hard, no matter where you are.”
I gently placed my hand on his cheek.
“But I’ll still visit you at least twice a month.”
“Really? You don’t have to, though. If my base is far, even once a month could be difficult.”
“Then, promise to set aside at least an hour for me every day! I want to hear about your day, and I’ll share mine with you. How’s that? A fair deal, right?”
I clearly communicated my wishes without making him feel pressured.
“What if I want to talk more?”
“Then just say so!”
“But what if you’re busy?”
“Then we’ll make up for it by talking even more the next day~”
I answered with a bright smile, and, seeing my face, he seemed convinced.
“Are you serious? Don’t just say this and end up overthinking things on my behalf.”
“Absolutely! No need to worry!”
Hearing my response, Han-gyeol beamed with a gentle smile, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me close.
“Thank you… for saying that.”
“Oh, come on, it’s nothing! Hey, let’s take one more trip together before you leave for the military!”
“Sounds good~ Where should we go?”
“Hm… Busan! I want to see the ocean again.”
“Busan sounds perfect. What do you want to do there?”
“I want to feed shrimp crackers to the seagulls!”
Han-gyeol burst into laughter at my answer.
“Pfft—! What? That’s all?”
“Why are you laughing?! I’ve only seen it in videos; I’ve never done it myself! It looked so much fun…”
“It’s not feeding them; it’s more like having them snatch it from you. What if they steal all your shrimp crackers?”
“In that case, I’ll just grab them by the neck—bam!”
“It won’t be as easy as you think~”
“Something tells me I could pull it off.”
With a smile, he leaned down and kissed my forehead.
“You’re so quirky sometimes.”
“Talking about shrimp crackers makes me want some.”
“Should I go out and grab some for us? Maybe some cold beer, too?”
“That sounds amazing—let’s go, quick!”
“Guess I’ll need to freshen up again.”
I leaned in and whispered softly into his ear.
“Want to shower together?”
“Now I feel like I should shower first.”
“No way~ Shrimp crackers come first~”
“Alright, alright. Let’s head out.”
“Yup!”
With that, we were off for an impromptu snack run.
--- The End OF The Chapter --
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