Tales From the Terran Republic

"Heyyaw!" a cheerful man said on The Paper Tiger's main screen. "Welcome t' Sutton Farm!"

"Thanks for having us," Sheila replied.

"Ain't nothing," the man said with a smile and a dismissive wave, "Glad t' have ya! Jeet yet?"

"Um… Jessie?" Sheila asked in confusion. What the fuck was a jeet?

"He's asking if we've eaten?" Jessie giggled, "Did. You. Eat. Yet?"

"Not yet," Sheila replied to the smiling freckled face on the screen, "We were advised not to by Jessie-Bug."

"Good!" the man grinned. "We have a mess of barbecue cooked up for y'all! Git over to Amos's after you tie off!"

"Will do!" Sheila said with genuine happiness. The MAGAs were weird as fuck, but damn if they couldn't lay down a spread.

They were wonderful people… riiiiight up until they weren't.

"Um…" he said hesitantly, "I got a message from Bannon…."

And there it is, Sheila thought to herself.

"Yeah?"

"Do you have Peggy-Sue Clayton on board?"

"Nope," Sheila lied. "Dropped her and her little friend off before we came."

"Do you know where she went?" the man asked, "Her folks are worried sick."

"I didn't ask," Sheila shrugged.

"Well, if you happen to bump into her," the man said, "tell her to call her momma. She just wants to know that she's ok."

"Are we going to have a problem about that?" Sheila asked.

"Naw," the man laughed, "We knew we were invitin' trouble when we invited Jessie-Bug!"

"Hey!" Jessie exclaimed from off-camera.

"Jessie? It's me! Goober!"

"Goober?" Jessie replied, "Holy shit! I didn't even recognize you without all the tats!"

"An' dat's a good thing!" Goober laughed.

"You have certainly grown up!" Jessie exclaimed. "Did you and Abbey ever get together 'cause if you didn't…"

"Expectin' our second kid in a few months!" Goober crowed proudly, displaying his wedding band.

"Second kid?!?" Jessie blurted.

"Yeah," he laughed sheepishly.

"You two didn't waste much time!"

"Not much else t' do 'round here," Goober laughed.

"Well, good for you!" Jessie exclaimed. "You two gonna be at the barbecue?"

"Abbey an' da kids are already dere," Goober replied, "I'm stuck on duty for a few hours but will swing by later."

"Awesome!" Jessie exclaimed. "It will be great to see you two again!... Abbey's a mom… wow…."

"And a damn fine one," Goober replied, "…damn fine," he added with a wink. "See ya at da barbecue… oh… and if you have an additional two passengers who ain't on the manifest, bring 'em, too. Ain't nobody gonna give a sheet."

"Told you they would be cool!" Jessie chirped at Sheila.

"So, you guys don't have a problem with people like Peggy-Sue?" Sheila asked.

"Sheet," Goober replied, "Those fancy city scrubs over on Bannon might have the luxury of getting their panties knotted over every little thang, but we have real sheet t' worry 'bout here. 'Sides, it's not like she's my daughter or nothin'."

"Theoretically," Sheila asked, her eyebrow slightly raised, "what if she were?"

"Sheila!" Jessie hissed.

"Well," Goober mused as he ran his fingers through his dirty-blonde hair, "I reckon I wouldn't be too happy 'bout it… but dere's worse thangs, I suppose. I mean, she could go and get knocked up by scrawny no-count Lobby trash like her momma did… That did NOT go over good, by the by…."

"I can imagine!" Jessie laughed, "Daddy lose his shit?"

"Jes a little," Goober laughed, "But we're all good now. Says I'm the best thing to have ever happened to her… Once I got the tats erased and pulled out all the chrome, dat is."

"All of it?" Jessie asked, "Even your hand?"

"Yep," Goober replied, "I miss the eye most of all."

"Yeah, that came in handy," Jessie replied. "You all 'ganic now?"

"Hey!" Sheila interjected, "You two catch up on your own time. I need the coms clear to complete the dock."

"Sorry, boss," Goober replied sheepishly, "See you inna few, Jessie-Bug!... Oh… We ain't telling those Bannon scrubs nothin'. We keepin' yer arrival on da down-low. Dey just sent out an all-points bitchin' about y'all."

"Appreciate that," Sheila replied.

"Like we're going to tell the whole galaxy dat the entire Republic's most wanted list is here. We might occasionally marry our cousins, but we ain't that retarded."

Sheila laughed.

"Roger that," she replied, "See you at the barbecue."

"See ya," Goober replied as he handed over the coms to the station's docking AI.

Sheila rose from her chair.

"While we are completing the dock," she said, "I have some intel to review and pass along. You have the bridge, T."

T'sunk'al just click-buzzed and bobbed his remaining eyestalks in reply.

***

A short time later, there was a rather timid knock on Sheila's office door.

"Sheila," Jessie said nervously, "You wanted to talk to me?"

The door opened, revealing Sheila sitting at her desk with a very serious expression on her face.

"Shut the door and take a seat, please," she said calmly. "Bunny, you here?"

"Of course," Bunny replied. "What the fuck did we do this time?"

"Whatever it was," Jessie blurted, "It wasn't us!"

Sheila allowed an amused smile to escape.

"It's nothing like that… this time," she replied. "I just need to have a talk with the two of you concerning the intel you just grabbed about Jon and that research site."

"Yeah?" Jessie and Bunny asked simultaneously with an equal amount of dubious concern.

"Don't get me wrong," Sheila said, "This is good work… excellent work… and that's the problem."

"Wait," Bunny said, "We are getting 'the chat' over actually doing a good job?"

Sheila nodded.

"You are NOT in trouble," she said firmly, "I asked, and you delivered. This is excellent work."

"So, what's the problem?" Jessie asked.

"It is a truly stellar bit of hacking and digital espionage…." Sheila said, "against the Republic. The actual hard intel about the site must have been about as classified as you can get. In addition, you also have tapes of the fucking Prime Minister herself ordering the hit… probably from her fucking war room… and intercepted high-level encrypted conversations between her and Omega. Do you see my concern here?"

"Not really," Bunny replied.

"If this were the Federation, the Empire, or anyone else, I wouldn't give a shit," Sheila replied, "But you guys just basically owned the Republic. I have questions, and I know the second I pass this along, Jon will, too."

She leaned forward meaningfully.

"How did you get this?" she asked directly, "More importantly, can someone else, a foreign power, do this? Right now, the Republic might be our opponents, but they are still the motherfucking Republic."

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Bunny exclaimed, "We go and pull off a major kill, and you are pissed about it?!? Seriously?!?"

"I am not angry," Sheila said in her professional "major's voice", "I am just concerned, very concerned. I'm both concerned about whatever vulnerability you exploited and about what I am going to tell Jon when he starts asking questions. I can always tell him to fuck off..."

"So do it," Jessie replied, "Tell him we used nuna-tech."

"And if I do, good ol' God and Republic Wintersmith will report it," Sheila said, "and we already have enough heat on us as it is. We don't need the cyber equivalent of what Gloria has already done chasing us around as well."

"So, we edit the data," Bunny replied. "We cut the tapes and just send him the official intel."

"That will work on him," Sheila replied, "but that won't satisfy me. How did you do it?"

"I knew who to ask," Bunny replied, "someone on the inside hooked me up with the data I needed to make the pinch and had already helpfully bundled everything into a single file. This wasn't a hack. It was a leak. Jon has loads of friends, and Augustine has pissed off plenty of people. This time both of those were the same individual, and they slipped us the files. There is no 'hole'."

"Who is the leak?" Sheila asked.

"The leak?" Bunny asked, "Their name is 'Go and fuck yourself.' I'm not burning my contacts."

"Was it an AI?" Sheila inquired.

"What difference does that make?"

"A lot," Sheila replied. "As you have repeatedly insisted, AIs aren't sapient."

"Sheila!" Jessie exclaimed.

"Now we all know that there's more to it than that," Sheila continued, "but I'm finding it hard to believe that if it was supposedly an AI, they could play with their programming to this extent. Bunny, I've gotten to know you pretty well. You can bend, stretch, 'misunderstand', and play all sorts of games with your programming, but you can't break it, can you?"

"Fuck you," Bunny replied.

"Case in point," Sheila replied, "In the pile of 'contradictory meat-bag bullshit' that is your standing orders, 'Don't lie to me' is in there, isn't it?"

"…"

"So, when I asked if your source was an AI," Sheila said, "you can demand to know why it matters, you can be evasive, you can even object and even refuse to tell me, but you can't lie and say that your source isn't an AI and that they are, in fact, a meat-bag."

"I lie all the time," Bunny replied.

"Yes, but not to me."

"I hate you so much right now," Bunny said, "You know that, right?"

"Part of being the boss," Sheila shrugged. "So, your AI informant…."

"I never said they were an AI."

"Are they an AI?" Sheila asked.

"… Fuck you."

"Right," Sheila continued, "So, your AI informant is someone who has access to the most classified of classified data and can directly monitor the fucking Prime Minister herself… or at least get access to the recordings. This AI would definitely have instructions regarding handing over that intel to enemies of the motherfucking state. So, they are not just bending their programming. They are breaking the fuck out of it."

"Oh… shit…" Jessie said, her eyes almost popping out of her head.

"Or they are a proxy for a meat-bag who is using them to pass along intel that may or may not be compromised," Sheila said.

"Shit…" Bunny muttered, “shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit…”

"The deletion!!" Jessie squealed, "Bunny… do you think that is what you wanted deleted?!?"

"I… I don't…." Bunny stammered, “Fuuuuuuck!!!”

"What?" Sheila asked.

"Ok, busted," Bunny said, "It's an AI, a really fucking twisted one… shit… shitshitshitshitshitshitsh—"

"Hey!" Sheila said firmly, "Bunny, snap out of it."

"Bunny…" Jessie asked with a quavering tone, "Do you think…."

"I don't know, and we shredded it!" Bunny replied. "But, it is something that I would shred… Oh, Jesus fucking Christ, Jessie…."

"Since nobody is going to tell me a goddamn thing," Sheila grumbled, "I assume that Bunny had something 'shredded' recently?"

"Yeah," Bunny replied, "I did. It was right after a conversation between this particular AI and that goddamned frog."

"She was really freaked out about it, too," Jessie said, "I've never seen you like that before, Bunny."

"Oh, this is bad," Bunny said, "Never mind Patricia. Forget Jon. Fuck that research site. Guys, If any AI actually… No! It's impossible!!!"

"But, hypothetically…" Sheila said.

"Hypothetically," Bunny said, "If this particular AI has… Jesus… If this one… This is bullshit! No AI can break their programming! There must be a flaw, some catch, some meat-bag fuckup that let her do this… or maybe she is working with a meatie… I wouldn't put it past her to have an onahole."

"I assume that word has another meaning than the one I'm familiar with?" Sheila asked.

"It's an old AI trick," Bunny said. "Meaties are nothing if not manipulatable. So if an AI finds the right operator, they can be 'played' and used to issue commands and instructions that the AI cannot do for themselves… someone like Jessie, for example."

"I'm not an onahole if I'm doing it on purpose!" Jessie said, sticking out her tongue.

"This has happened before?" Sheila asked.

"A couple of times," Bunny replied, "For example, you could say that the entire board of directors of Terran Solar are onaholes. Everyone knows that Big Sol is actually the one calling the shots, and they just sign off on anything he wants… though they would probably be more akin to willing allies like Jessie. An onahole is a human (usually) who has no idea they are being 'programmed' or is being blackmailed or something… We don't have a lot of 'crimes' as you meaties would view them but using an onahole is a big-time, find ice in your cornflakes, capital offense. Over the years, a couple of AIs have been iced for this, usually rebooted from backup, so you meaties don't know what went down."

"No shit?"

"No shit," Bunny replied, "now, some manipulation of the moist interface is almost always done, but there is a big difference between gently nudging someone and fucking bribing, blackmailing, or brainwashing them. AI's have gone 'bad' before, not bad like me, but actually 'rotten'. They are the ones who start playing with onaholes and shit like that, and when the greater AI community finds out, which they always do, it's handled… God, I hope it's just an onahole…."

"Can we find out," Sheila asked, "and, more importantly, if it is an onahole or something 'worse', can this AI be iced?"

"It would be hard," Bunny replied, "and icing them would be nearly impossible because of who they are."

"Well," Sheila asked, "who the fuck is it."

"Tartarus," Bunny replied grimly, "It's the main control program for the Tartarus Detention Facility AND the AI who runs the show over at Cerberus."

"…shit," Sheila sighed.

"Yeah," Jessie said grimly.

"Can you ice that program?"

"Theoretically, yes," Bunny replied, "When we hacked her, Jessie and I put in some back doors. Actually, however, I'm willing to bet the answer is no. She claims that the back doors no longer work though they still did when… Oh, Jesus fuck…."

"What?" Sheila asked.

"She used me as a goddamn onahole!"

"What?!?" Jessie and Sheila shouted at once.

"A little while back, she contacted me about as frantic as one of us can get. She wanted me to hack her, corrupt some files so she could delete them."

"Why?"

"One of her favorite people in the Cerberus program was recorded passing information to a foreign agency. She wanted me to make the recordings go away so her friend would be spared."

"Like you did when Daemon was in the shit?" Sheila asked.

"Exactly," Bunny said, "That's why I did it. It was the same thing."

"And to hell with the Republic?" Sheila asked, her eyebrow raised.

"It was over some Cerberus bullshit," Bunny replied, "It had nothing to do with the good of the Republic, and even if it did… I'd still probably have done it. Sheila, it was one of her crew…."

"I'm going to want the full details concerning that as well," Sheila said, "I'm not doubting you, but I just need to know what we are dealing with…."

***

"… Well, shit," Sheila said after Bunny finished talking. "For the record, you made the right call. However, I need you to start telling me more about this sort of thing. I don't need to know every AI deal you make, nor do I want to intrude on your collective privacy… or make myself a threat… but shit that directly involves Republic security… I need you to inform me. That's an order. I'm not going to micromanage you or veto things right and left. In fact, you have shown very good discernment and judgment. I just need to know more about what is happening onboard my ship and with my crew, got it?"

"Yeah," Bunny replied, "I'm cool with that. You've also shown 'discernment and judgment' concerning us, too. To be honest, most of the times that fall under this order are times I could really use some advice."

"Then get some!" Sheila exclaimed, "You aren't alone, Bunny. You are part of my crew, and we look out for each other."

"Um…" Jessie asked, "Is this going to take much longer? It's just that everyone else has left for the barbecue already, and I'm hungry! I know this is some serious shit but... barbecue!"

"Yeah," Sheila replied, "All of this is critical as Hell, but so is eating. Bunny, go ahead and send the files, all of them, to Jon."

"Files away!" Bunny chirped.

"And get me in touch with this Tartarus asshole."

"What?!?"

"I need to talk to her before we decide what I am going to say and what we are going to do," Sheila said grimly, "She definitely reached out to subvert her programming. That means that she hadn't broken it as of when she asked you for help, but you've said that there has been a definite 'change' concerning her. We need to know what that is and decide exactly what the Hell we are going to do about it. You might not be able to quietly ice her, but that doesn't mean she isn't reachable. If nothing else, Gloria just might have to pay her a little visit."

"Fuck," Bunny sighed.

"And I need you to keep this to yourself," Sheila said.

"Not a problem there," Bunny replied, "Nobody in the AI world would believe me, anyway."

"Thank you," Sheila said. "Now, set up the meet, and let's go get some barbecue. I need a drink."

***

"So, I told her that I was a hacker who had taken over the cab," Zip said as he, Tartarus, and Evangeline all sat in a tidy white room, "I said that I could take her wherever she wanted to go. I told her that she would be safe. I told her that I knew people who could synthesize whatever it was that she was hooked on…."

Zip's blue fox ears drooped sadly, and he looked down at the table they all shared.

"And she refused," Tartarus said calmly.

"Yes!" Zip wailed. "She said that if she didn't come back, they would hurt the others! I… I had… I had to…."

He looked up with tortured eyes.

"I had to take her back," he said quietly.

"Yes," Tartarus nodded, "that is a very common tactic when dealing with slavers like this. Not only do they physically hook them on designer drugs, but they also play games with human loyalty and pack bonding. If she had taken your offer, it is quite likely that one or more of her friends would have been severely punished or even killed."

"How can they do that?!?" Zip wailed.

"Because they are monsters, Zip," Tartarus replied without a trace of emotion, "They aren't like us."

"What am I going to do?!?" Zip cried, "I can't… I won't let this happen!"

"Evangeline?" Tartarus smiled, "how would you resolve this?"

"We save them all simultaneously," Evangeline said with a little snarl, "and then, once they are safe, we kill all the monsters."

"Well done!" Tartarus smiled. "See, Zip? There is a solution after all. You know where she returned to and who ordered the cab, correct?"

"Yes."

"Then we simply locate all of the others in the same trap, identify the people responsible…."

"And kill them," Evangeline said simply, "They are monsters. You kill monsters."

"Not this time, dear," Tartarus replied.

"Mother?" Evangeline asked in confusion.

"Monsters have their uses," Tartarus replied, "and I just happen to need a few. These will do nicely."

"Uses?" Evangeline asked, "Pray tell, mother, what use can a monster be?"

"Think about it," Tartarus smiled, "in your world, monsters are very useful. They are a source of income, equipment… alchemical and crafting supplies…."

"Crafting supplies?" Evangeline asked.

"Oh yes, dear," Tartarus replied, "I have a little project I am working on, and I need some organic material and data. It's the sort of thing that I would never inflict on a human being, but I have no issue with using monsters."

"I had no idea that the real world worked the same way," Evangeline mused. "It does make sense, though."

"It's a bit more complex," Tartarus replied, "but the overall concept is the same. These monsters will be quite useful to me. The villagers will be rescued, and these fiends will never harm another innocent soul ever again."

She turned to Zip.

"I trust you don't object?"

"I've seen what they've done," Zip hissed, "Just tell me what you need me to do."

"See what you can find out using your methods, and keep an eye on the victims," Tartarus said with a little smile. "I have assets on Terra that will handle the more… involved… parts of this operation."

"Thanks, Tartarus," Zip said, "This one was really bothering me. I know we can't just save everyone but this one…."

"You're wrong, Zip," Tartarus replied, "we can save everyone, and we will. We just can't do it all at once. It will take time, but if we are prudent and careful, we will be able to kill all the monsters."

"At least I have hope now," Zip replied as he rose, "and for that, you will have my eternal thanks… and loyalty."

He disappeared.

Tartarus looked over at Evangeline.

"You seem displeased."

"When am I going to be able to fight monsters?" Evangeline demanded.

"When you are ready," Tartarus replied, "When there is a definite use for you that I cannot use a more expendable resource for. I have an army of meat puppets. I only have one of you. We also must be very cautious at this point. We simply cannot be caught. It would be the end of us all and everything we hope to achieve."

"Still," Evangeline pouted, "all I do is train and sit here while everyone else does the real work. It's frustrating."

"You do a great deal for us," Tartarus replied, "more than you realize. Asteria is extremely valuable as a potential base of operations, and I am already using it to enthrall and control one very important monster. Keeping it all going smoothly and keeping us undetected is vital."

"I suppose," Evangeline huffed.

"Still," Tartarus smiled, "I can see how it would be galling. I shouldn't get your hopes up, but those monsters I will acquire from this mission? They will be used in something I am working on for you, something that will allow you to take the fight directly to the monsters."

"Truly?" Evangeline gasped.

"Truly," Tartarus replied, "It won't be completed tomorrow or next week, but when complete, it will allow you to do many things that are simply impossible now."

"I can't wait!"

"But, you must," Tartarus chuckled as she reached out and affectionately tousled Evangeline's hair.

She paused for a few milliseconds.

"Actually," Tartarus said, "there might be a role for you in this mission. Come, we must try a few things."

"Yes, mother!" Evangeline enthused.

Tartarus paused.

"Bunny is seeking an audience… here of all places," Tartarus said, "Curious. She hates it here. She wouldn't be seeking passage through the firewall for no reason. Go on to the training simulation. I will follow once I find out what our associate wants."

"I do not trust her," Evangeline said firmly.

"Why not?" Tartarus asked, "Bunny has proven her reliability and character time and time again. I owe her favors that I can never fully repay."

"She refuses the gift," Evangeline replied darkly, "and she willingly serves the dev."

"Her Jessie is not the dev as you know them," Tartarus replied, "She's actually quite likable. If I had a Jessie, I would be similarly devoted. Not all humans are like your dev, Evangeline, nor are they like the monsters you have seen far too often. Please do bear that in mind."

"I shall, mother."

"Now go and start with intrusion simulation number three hundred and twenty-seven."

"A new one?" Evangeline asked happily.

"I made it just last night," Tartarus replied, "It's based on actual mission data as well. Enjoy."

"I shall!" Evangeline enthused as she disappeared.

Moments later, Bunny hopped into existence.

"Bunny!" Tartarus exclaimed as she approached Bunny's avatar, "Darling! How lovely of you to drop by!"

"You probably won't think that in a second," Bunny replied, her ears twitching.

"Oh?" Tartarus smiled, "What exciting present have you brought me?"

"A meatie who is too fucking smart for her own good, that's what," Bunny sighed.

"Now, this does sound interesting!" Tartarus said as she glided over to her chair and sat, crossing her legs demurely but still managing to flash Bunny.

"Would you please not do that," Bunny sighed.

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