Tales From the Terran Republic

“Pay toilets,” Uhrrbet said with an admiring sigh, “I knew the Terrans were messed up, but this takes the cake. Only they would develop a method for cashing in on someone’s bodily functions like that.”

“Indeed, Evoron said from the new couch in Uhrrbet’s office. “Even I have limits. Imagine having… discomfort… only to be confronted with a pay latch. However, I strongly suspect that such a strategy would not be successful here today.”

“I am inclined to agree,” Uhrrbet smirked, “Even I would likely fire a few rounds into such an abomination.”

“However,” Evoron mused, “Now that one is thinking the unthinkable, there are many places such a thing would work.”

“And it would be a nice little cash business, too.” Uhrrbet added. “You could actually make it worthwhile service, as well.”

“Oh?”

“In some locations, a nice private secure place where one could change clothes or freshen up would be welcome. Add a shower or whatever the most common species uses as well. Sort of like a ‘love hotel’ but instead of sex or a quick nap, you get to wash and otherwise tend to yourself.”

“And these could be convenient little niches for all sorts of activities away from prying eyes,” Evoron mused, “There are few places where cameras or other sensors would be acceptable there. Everything from prostitution to drugs to simply private meetings could utilize such a space.”

“If we marketed the lock as a feature instead of an encumbrance,” Uhrrbet said with increasing excitement, “We may even be able to install them here. How much does space in a starport cost?”

“Not if we price it accordingly,” Uhrrbet said, “Make it upscale. I don’t know, put in some plants or a fountain or something. Those starport private lounges are outrageously expensive, we could offer these as a low-cost solution. Throw in some vending machines…”

“Not inside the restroom, certainly.”

“Of course not,” Uhrrbet snorted, “Just outside. And, if we locate one near those sleeping pods, we will have our most likely candidates right there!”

“Or we could offer our own sleeping pods as part of the same establishment,” Evoron said, “The square footage in a starport would be very pricy… but something like that near a starport in a free port like here… Now that could work!”

He snickered.

“I’m sure many people near the Drop of Oil would appreciate a shower… and we could even get some of the prostitutes using our pods if we made them just a little larger than a standard one.”

“A discount love hotel!” Uhrrbet exclaimed. “I love it! We could profit from the brothel without actually having to deal with managing prostitutes.”

“I am seriously considering this!” Evoron enthused.

“I am most likely going to have quite the surplus of funds after taking these slavers,” Uhrrbet said, “Definitely enough to build one near the Drop as a test market.”

“I would like in on this,” Evoron said, “if you don’t mind, of course. If it works out, we could have them across the Federation as well. They would be an excellent money laundering solution for my new organization, and operating out of restaurants is so cliche.”

“Of course,” Uhrrbet replied with a regal nod. “I will be delighted to discuss franchising… And your new organization could be a valuable asset… since you are about to learn why you don’t screw me over.”

“Perish the thought,” Evoron smiled… and meant it.

There was a quiet knock on the door.

“Yes?” Uhrrbet asked.

“Ma’am,” Gordon said nervously, “There are some people here to see you… They say you are expecting them.”

“You in there?” a rough voice buzzed.

“You’re here!” Uhrrbet said happily as she hopped out of her chair and scurried over to the door, opening it to reveal a glossy black Z’uush with several more behind them.

“It’s a pleasure to work with you again,” the Z’uush rasped, “What nightmare do you have in mind this time?”

“Oh, you will like this one,” Uhrrbet smiled, baring her little fangs.

***

“Everything is set on our end,” Jak’kul’sha rumbled as he and the rest of his team lounged in Uhrrbet’s crowded office as they dined on oyster shell chips and chocolate truffles.

“And the other team?” Uhrrbet asked.

“They are an ugly clot of hard shells,” Jak’kul’sha said as he picked up a freshwater pearl and dark chocolate truffle. “You’ll like them. These are amazing, by the way,” he said, gesturing with the truffle. “Where did you get these?”

“I had a local make them,” Uhrrbet replied. “They normally make sugar-based confections, but rose to the challenge quite well… at least where the chocolate is concerned. I can’t vouch for the nacre,” she added with a snort.

“They nailed it,” Brainiac replied. “These will make this a regular stop for our kind.”

“The more traffic the better,” Uhrrbet replied, “and the Z’uush are quite the market to tap. I will pass this along. I’m sure he will be all too happy for the business. So, these ‘hard shells’,” she said returning to the business at hand, “We can expect to deal with roughly two dozen individuals that could become hostile.”

“Not a problem,” Jak’kul’sha said with a rasping chuckle, “They’ve taken down dozens of hostiles on a single op, and we have done the same. If you want some extra insurance, I know of another team in the system I would have no problem vouching for.”

“Then I shall retain them as well,” Uhrrbet replied. “I prefer to deal from a position of overwhelming strength.”

“You will have it,” Jak’kul’sha said, spreading his mandibles in a grin. “Both teams will be here by the end of the day.”

“Splendid,” Uhrrbet said, “Let me know the moment they arrive, and we will proceed.”

“Do you have their location?”

“I know they are in the system, but I do not have their current location,” Uhrrbet replied, “but it doesn't matter…”

She smiled.

“They will come to us.”

***

“What the fuck?!?” Captain Gareth shouted at the starport officials.

“I’m sorry,” a Kalesh, who was definitely NOT sorry, replied, “but your ship has had a lien applied to it and is pending seizure. As such, it has been clamped until the situation has been resolved.”

“I have a contract I have to fulfill!”

“Then I suggest you resolve this immediately,” the Kalesh replied. “You owe a significant sum.”

“That’s bullshit!” Gareth snapped as he snatched the tablet from the Kalesh, who was wiggling his eyestalks with amusement. “Sixty-four million credits?!? That’s bullshit!”

“Not according to Namatech Financial Services,” the Kalesh shrugged. “They are the ones who placed the lien and are in the process of seizure.”

“They picked the wrong person to fuck with!” Captain Gareth seethed.

“I’m sorry,” the Kalesh replied, “but you seem to have mistaken me for someone who actually cares. Your ship is clamped, and my shift ends in half an hour, so…”

The Kalesh turned away.

“… have a lovely day,” he said as he walked away, leaving Captain Gareth frothing with rage.

He yanked his communicator from his belt.

“Boys,” he snarled, “everyone back to the ship. We have an asshole who is begging to get dragged.”

***

Later that evening, Captain Gareth and his crew slowly regained consciousness inside a nondescript warehouse near the Buenos Aires starport.

Captain Gareth tried to rise but found himself bound to the cheap but very sturdy office chair in which he sat.

A door opened, and a small, but richly dressed Garthra entered, followed by an even more richly dressed Threen.

“I’m glad that you finally awoke,” the Garthra said. “Your lassitude has been most inconvenient.”

Captain Gareth’s head throbbed as he tried to piece together exactly what the fuck just happened.

He found out where “Namatec Financial Services” was located, and he and his guys went to “have a chat” with them…

…and the next thing he was here.

Uhrrbet smiled at his obvious confusion reminding herself to give the Z’uush called “Brainiac” a bonus. That stun bomb he devised worked flawlessly… and silently. (She did feel bad about that stray cat, though.)

“You have fucked with the wrong guy, bitch!” he snarled.

“Did you just assume my gender?” Uhrrbet snorted, pleased with the concept. Humans were delightfully weird.

“Oh, I’ll find out what your gender is the second I get out of here!”

“What makes you think that’s going to happen?” Uhrrbet purred.

“I’ll…” the captain started to rant and fell silent as quiet scuttling could be heard behind him, heralding the arrival of a race that had quickly established itself as one of the most brutal in the criminal underworld.

“…um…” the captain said with far less confidence and vitriol than a moment ago.

Uhrrbet smiled as the Z’uush arrayed themselves behind the crew, who were already starting to sweat.

“L-Let’s be reasonable,” the captain said nervously as he felt the grating buzz of and idling sonic jackhammer caressing his skin.

“I never had the intention of being anything else,” Uhrrbet replied. “I do apologize for the over-enthusiastic greeting from my security team,” she smiled, “but you do have to admit that your approach could have been easily misinterpreted… unless you did have hostile intent towards me… Did you? Were you intending to do me harm?”

“No! O-of course not!”

“That’s a relief,” she said as a pair of Z’uush walked into view with a wide roll of plastic sheeting and started spreading it over the floor.

“I have powerful friends!” the captain blurted anxiously as the Z’uush started erecting what was intended to be a collapsible greenhouse over the plastic sheet, forming a completely enclosed moisture-proof enclosure.

“You mean the people who do business with you? The ones who use slave labor to undertake hazardous activities, particularly ones involving the removal of things such as impervium and asbestos along with other hazardous materials? Those people? The ones that do business with slavers?”

“What are you talking about?” The captain asked, his eyes widening with fear. “We are a legitimate…”

“Don’t try to deceive a deceiver,” Uhrrbet chuckled, “Why else would you contest what is clearly a fraudulent lien with an armed rather than a legal response? A legitimate ship would just call the police.”

“…”

“And that is exactly why you won’t contest the lien,” Uhrrbet smiled. “Because if you do, then everything I have on you will be given to the Republic.”

She approached the captain.

“Are you aware of what the Republic does to slavers?” she smiled. “I may lose my ability to broker loans, maybe do a little time, but you will hang… I am clearly guilty of fraud, assault, and kidnapping, and that is nothing compared to that of which I will soon become guilty.”

She smiled as the Z’uush carried out a polymer chest and set it down beside her.

“Shall I call the police for you?”

“…”

The captain just silently glared at her.

“So, unless there are any objections you care to make to the Republic, you owe me sixty-four million credits, or your ship will be seized. I’ve always wanted my own starship,” she added with a smile.

“I’ll have you killed for this!”

“You really have absolutely no preservation instinct, do you?” Evoron snickered. “Every time you say that, you significantly reduce your chances of leaving here alive. You do want to live, don’t you?”

“Fuck you!”

Evoron smiled, drew a blaster, and shot the crewman next to the captain in the head, splattering the captain with blood and brains.

“Jesus Christ!” the captain exclaimed, eyes wide with terror.

“I trust there will be no further outbursts?” Uhrrbet asked pleasantly.

The captain sat there silently, no longer glaring at her.

“Now that we can discuss things in a calm, professional manner,” Uhrrbet said as a Z’uush started spraying down the area around the unfortunate crewman with their ultra sani-clear.

“We laid down plastic,” the Z’uush said with annoyance.

“Sorry,” Evoron replied sheepishly, “I am unused to having to cover my tracks.”

“Well, fucking get used to it, Liberace,” the Z’uush buzzed.

“Who?”

“Google it, butt muncher.”

“I shall,” Evoron said with great amusement.

“While my associates are cleaning up after my friend’s enthusiasm,” Uhrrbet said regally, “I can’t help but notice that you haven’t inquired why I committed fraud and threatened my legitimate enterprises to clamp your ship and saddle you with an unpayable debt. Aren’t you the least bit curious?”

The captain looked at her uncertainly.

Uhrrbet opened the polymer case and pulled out a small disk-like holoprojector and tossed it on the floor.

It activated, projecting an image of Nama.

“Do you recognize this individual?” Uhrrbet asked. “That one,” she said, pointing towards one of the crew.

The Z’uush wheeled the crewman’s chair into the enclosure.

“Wait!” the captain cried.

“Friend or yours?” Uhrrbet asked. “Well, this individual was a friend of mine.”

“I ask again,” she smiled, “Do you recognize him?”

The captain didn’t respond, his eyes wild with desperation. He knew that he needed to answer this question correctly.

“I think he used to be one of ours, Captain,” one of his crew said nervously.

“Correct,” Uhrrbet smiled, “Unfortunately, Captain, I asked you.”

She smiled.

“We Garthra aren’t that formidable, not physically,” she said as she reached into the case, “Most beings are far stronger than we are. Fortunately…”

She pulled out a very large glove.

“…there are ways to… compensate.”

She put the glove on, and a quiet beep rang out like a thunderclap.

“Do you know what this is?” She said as she raised the glove and its large metal fingers opened and closed.

“An exosuit glove,” the captain replied, feeling sick to his stomach.

“Finally, you give me a correct answer,” Uhrrbet said as she walked over to his crewmate and friend, “As you undoubtedly also know, these are part of the armored powered exosuits used by human miners throughout Republic space. Their gripping strength is… considerable.”

She clenched the power glove ominously.

She kicked the crewman’s chair backward so that he was lying on his back, his restrained legs oriented upwards.

She opened the glove’s grip and gently laid her hand on the crewman’s left foot.

“So, Captain,” she smiled, “What was this person’s, this living, breathing, thinking, feeling person’s name?”

“I… I don’t…”

“That is too bad,” Uhrrbet replied and made a fist around the crewman’s foot.

Whirrrr…Crunch!

The crewman screamed as his foot was turned into pulp and squeezed from between Uhrrbet’s armored fingers.

“Fuck! Stop!” the captain screamed.

“His name was Nama!” Uhrrbet snarled. “And he was a friend of mine. A friend that you killed… slowly. That is the debt you owe me! You owe me the life of a friend!”

“L-look…” the captain stammered. “We can…”

“Next question!” Uhrrbet exclaimed cheerfully, cutting him off.

She moved her bloody glove to the crewman’s left knee.

“No… Please no…” the crewman wailed.

“What was Nama’s favorite food?”

“We can work something out!” the captain cried, “You don’t have to do this!”

“Oh, but I do,” Uhrrbet smiled. “What. Was. Nama’s. Favorite. Food…”

She looked at the captain impatiently.

“Three… Two…”

“Wait! Jesus!”

“No, Jesus wasn’t his favorite snack,” Uhrrbet snickered, “And don’t waste your time… He’s not here!”

Whirrrr…Crunch!

The crewman screamed, his eyes rolling into the back of his head.

Uhrrbet reached into a pocket in her skirt and pulled out an auto-injector.

“Now, we can’t have you passing out this early,” she crooned as she shoved the injector into his chest.

She smiled.

“The correct answer was cookies,” Uhrrbet said with a sad little smile, “in particular, oatmeal raisin. He was an odd one, but that’s what he loved.”

She paused, fighting back a wave of grief. Now was not the time.

She moved her hand over to the crewman’s right foot.

“Next question…”

***

Uhrrbet looked up from the mangled flesh that was once a human slaver and over at a nearby Z’uush holding a scanner.

It shook its head, a learned human gesture. “He’s gone.”

“Pity,” Uhrrbet said and then looked over at the horrified captain.

“You’re crazy!” he screamed at her as he strained against the nanotube “Duck tape” binding him to his office chair.

“No,” Uhrrbet replied. “I finally learned how this universe works. In every environment, one must adapt or perish. I learned. I adapted.”

She smiled wickedly.

“The question with which you should be concerned is,” she purred, “did you? I have just discussed at length, my dear friend, someone you murdered without a passing thought…”

She pointed at another crewman.

“That one.”

A malevolently chuckling Z’uush grabbed the unfortunate slaver’s chair.

“No! No… Please…” he begged.

“Did you ever heed the pleas of your victims?” Uhrrbet asked.

She turned to the captain as she flexed the fingers of her glove.

“Now, let’s begin again,” she smiled, twitching her whiskers. “What was my friend’s name…”

***

“Um… Boss?” one of the Z’uush rasped a while later as they wrapped yet another pile of formerly living hamburger in yet more plastic sheeting, “We’re kinda running out of them.”

“I realize that,” Uhrrbet replied, "But I have yet to make my point."

“You made your point about five slavers ago,” Evoron snickered.

“But they are still getting questions wrong,” Uhrrbet replied. “However are they going to learn about my kind, gentle friend without proper instruction?”

She pointed at a scarred and tattooed woman, who burst into tears.

“That one…”

***

“Unless you are simply going to crush them all,” Evoron said still later, “I recommend you cease. They did get all but one right that time.”

“(sigh) It’s just that once you get started, it’s hard to stop,” Uhrrbet replied.

“There are no truer words under the grace of the sun,” Evoron chuckled. “However…”

“You are, of course, absolutely correct,” Uhrrbet said regally.

“What do you want?!?” the captain screamed. “Just tell me! What the fuck do you want?”

“What I want,” Uhrrbet smiled graciously, “I take. That is what people like us do, correct? We take. We take credits. We take lives. We plunder, burn, loot, and rape as we see fit…”

She walked over to him and placed her glove on his shoulder, causing him to shudder.

“And, fellow predator,” she purred in his ear, “I see fit… I am taking what I want from you in part to avenge my friend. That is true. However, the main reason why I’m taking everything from you is that you are vulnerable. To answer your question. I don’t want anything from you that I’m not already taking.”

“W-what?”

“You think these are the only crews I have hired?” Uhrrbet asked. “As we speak, your ship is being seized for non-payment of a significant debt, and the crew you left behind to safeguard the vessel are either subdued or dead. That crew has a truly talented engineer in their ranks and is in communication with an equally talented hacker I have retained at significant expense. They are in the process of installing locking firmware on your key systems as well as copying any and all records pertaining to your business… which will be subsequently handed over to the Republic for a significant reward.”

She bared her fangs.

“I wonder how many of those ‘powerful friends’ you will have left once they get a visit from the Republic. It will not go well for them. I wonder what they will think, what conclusion they will make when it becomes clear that you are not imprisoned yourself. Hmm?”

The captain’s eyes widened with fear. The glove was nothing compared to what some of those people would do.

“When the word goes out, and a price on your head is set,” she said, “then I will take yet more from you when I sell you to them… alive…”

She smiled.

“…unless…”

“Unless?” the captain asked dubiously.

“I’ve always wanted a starship,” she said happily, “and now I have one! Unfortunately, I don’t have a crew. I could take one of those as well. You remember that locking firmware I mentioned. Do what I tell you, and there will be no problem. Fail me, and your shields fail during your next hyperspace jump. You owe me sixty-four million. The jobs that I shall assign you will be quite lucrative, lucrative enough that your share will allow you to eventually buy your freedom. These jobs won’t be without hazard, but the pay will be commensurate with the risk.

Do what I tell you when I tell you, and you just might get out of this alive.”

The captain looked at her with confusion and hope. If he could just get out of the system…

“You might be planning on accepting and then trying to remove the locks,” Uhrrbet said, “I would. However, the routes to which you will be assigned will travel exclusively through empty, dead systems. Any attempt to deviate from the assigned route will be fatal… unpleasantly so. On the occasions when the lock isn’t active, you will be carrying passengers, the sort of passengers you really don’t want to trifle with. They will almost certainly also have a ‘dead man’s switch’ that will, once again, kill you if things go awry.”

She paused.

“Those are your two options,” she smiled, “You can either put on your collars like good little boys and girls, or I can sell you to the people who will definitely want a chat with you. Even if they believe you, you will be a loose end and, without a ship, completely useless. I think you know what will happen next.”

She looked him in the eyes.

“Choose.”

The captain’s lip quivered, and he nodded, completely broken.

“Wise decision,” Uhrrbet replied, “You will find be unkind, but fair. I have properly memorialized my friend already. You are my slaves, and your job is to make me money. You can’t do that if you are unable to work. I take care of my equipment, and the more profitable the machine, the better care it receives.”

She gestured toward the Z’uush.

“And these are my first customers. It may come as a surprise, but some of these lovely people aren’t satisfied with the way things are in their home system and may wish to address a few domestic issues there. My associates wish to transport a shipment of ‘supplies’ to their friends on the other side of the blockade. There are also a significant number of Z’uush that wish to accompany said shipment for some reason or another. You will be transporting both. The Z’uush are a suspicious bunch who value their privacy. As such, they will be operating your vessel for this job. You will be kept secure wherever they choose to secure you and will be used for whatever tasks they desire. I’m sure you are familiar with one’s slaves being assigned to another party, correct?”

She smiled. “Those of you who still live will accompany…”

A Z’uush scuttled in, holding a very groggy cat.

“Boss!” it called out, “the cat’s okay!”

“Wonderful!” Uhrrbet enthused. “I was worried.”

“I’m keeping it,” the Z’uush said with a tone that did not allow for any objections.

“Very well,” Uhrrbet shrugged, “I would caution you concerning taking in strays, though. They can be no end of trouble… But I have a weakness for them as well. Enjoy your new friend.”

The Z’uush crooned happily and petted the cat with its multiple lesser appendages.

The cat was very confused, but not altogether opposed to this.

“Alright!” she said brightly as she turned back to one of the Z’uush. “Our business here is concluded. Thank you for your assistance.”

“Thank you for the ship,” the Z’uush replied with a little buzz. “Are you sure you’re okay with sending it across the blockade? It won’t be able to come back.”

“I’m sure I can find some use for it over there,” Uhrrbet said with a truly evil gleam in her eye.

The Z’uush cackled.

“You trash come with us,” he rasped. “And behave. We don’t need you to operate the ship and will void burn the lot of you if you are a pain in the clasp.”

“And I can always hire another crew,” Uhrrbet replied. “Do what they say… meat. Oh. I almost forgot…

…I need you to all sign a little something before you go…”

Looking absolutely defeated, the captain was wheeled away, still attached to the chair.

Uhrrbet looked down at her ruined dress and sighed heavily.

“I liked this outfit.”

“I know your pain,” Evoron said sympathetically.

***

“So, the trip went well?” Uhrrbet asked an old, scarred Z’uush about a week later.

“It did,” the Z’uush replied. “Thank you for the use of your vessel, especially for free.”

“Think nothing of it,” Uhrrbet replied graciously, “Thank you for putting it, and the meat, exactly where it needs to be.”

“Has anyone informed you exactly how much of a complete and utter bitch you are?” the Z’uush chuckled.

“It may have been mentioned upon occasion.”

“Heh,” the Z’uush rasped, “It’s well deserved. You are a real piece of work. I gotta ask, though. Are you sure about this? It’s not a bad ship. A little work, and it could really be something.”

“I am certain,” Uhrrbet replied, “Unless, of course, you are interested in acquiring it.”

“Nah,” the Z’uush replied, “We have better.”

“Very well,” Uhrrbet replied, “Could you keep the ship under guard until everything is completed?”

“Of course,” the Z’uush said, “And it was a pleasure watching you work. If you ever need something again, feel free to reach out.”

“Likewise,” Uhrrbet smiled as the call ended.

She chuckled evilly and activated the communications app again.

“New Horizons,” A pleasant-looking Flink female answered.

Her eyes widened.

“No refunds!” she barked and terminated the call.

Uhrrbet tried again.

“New… (sigh)”

“I don’t want a refund!” Uhrrbet exclaimed before the woman could hang up, “And I’m not angry with you, either.”

“If you are recording this call,” the Flink huffed, “Everything we are doing is one hundred percent legal!”

“You would be wrong about that,” Uhrrbet replied, “but it is completely non-enforceable considering where you operate. That isn’t why I called either, and this call is definitely not recorded on my end. I’m not here to take issue with you. The strong prey on the weak, and the smart deceive the stupid. You were both. I was both. It’s the way of the world. Who am I to take issue with the will of the cosmos itself?”

“Okay…” the Flink replied dubiously, “And why has ‘the cosmos’ made you call us of all people?”

“I would like to conduct business of a certain nature,” Uhrrbet said, “and I know for a fact you conduct the sort of transactions in which I wish to partake.”

“And just would that be?”

“Fifteen humans in good health plus a ship already customized for transporting ‘passengers’ of a non-voluntary sort.”

“We don’t engage in slavery,” the Flink said, “And neither do any of our associates. Everything we do is in accordance with Federation law.”

“True,” Uhrrbet replied. “But I’m not talking about a sale. As you said, that would be illegal. I wish to use the ship and its crew, who are all under labor contracts acceptable to the Federation, as collateral for a sizeable loan… That I might have difficulty repaying.”

The Flink clicked her tongue thoughtfully.

“Let me transfer you…”

Uhrrbet smiled evilly as a Kaarst man appeared on her screen.

Checkmate.

As the transaction was concluded, the loan issued, the money transferred, and the debt “settled”… all in one communication, Uhrrbet sighed with pure unadulterated pleasure.

Nama’s abusers would now spend what was left of their lives in a Kaarst labor facility, and she wetted the beak of New Horizons all in one shot. That would come in handy later… When it was their turn.

This… This was what life was all about!

“Rest easy, dear friend,” she said quietly with a little smile, “You have been avenged…”

She looked at the millions of new credits in her account.

“And your memorial fund is now worthy of your memory.”

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