Tales From the Terran Republic

Rupert Glent walked into his home to find his wife sitting at the kitchen table with her head in her hands weeping.

“Tessa, what’s wrong?”

“I… I couldn’t find any Bunny Crunch,” she sobbed. “The stores… they are all empty! I couldn’t… (sob)… I thought maybe I could bring her some… you know… for her ‘adventure’… I… I couldn’t even do that!” she wailed and then just broke down.

Rupert clenched his jaw. First the White Star and now this. Yesterday, they marched into his kid’s school and locked the whole place down. Federation stooges at the front gate and everything.

“Tessa, it’s ok,” he said but it was hard to convince her that it was in fact “ok” when he didn’t believe it himself. “They will get another shipment in a few days and-” he froze. That was blaster fire!

“And the news!” Tessa moaned heedless of whatever was going on outside.

“The news?” he asked as he pulled Tessa to the floor.

“The Federation… they want us all to die, Rupert. The news...”

Rupert quickly pulled out his phone and his blood froze as he started scrolling.

“This, this can’t be right, Tess, it can’t. It has to be a hoax or...” he trailed off as page after page confirmed it.

“Our kids, Rupert! And I can’t even get her B-bunny Crunch...”

His phone rang. It was Sasha, his grandmother.

“Hear the news, buddy-boy?” she asked as he answered.

“I’m reading it now, Big Momma,” he replied peeking out of the kitchen window. “Is this… Is this real?”

“As real as it gets, kid,” Sasha replied. “I got confirmation from some of my friends in the government. This is legit. They’re hanging us out to dry, say that us going extinct is a plus.”

“They can’t do that!” Rupert exclaimed. “We’re Federation citizens!”

“Not anymore we aren’t,” Sasha replied with a grim tone. “Looks like they are using this plague as an excuse to get rid of us. Oh, and I have some more bad news for you, kid,” Sasha continued. “I’m taking back my company.”

“W-what?”

“I think it’s time we return to our ‘roots’. I need you to free up as much liquid as you can. If you can sell it, sell it. Don’t worry with the bankers. I’m talking to them now. Oh, another thing. I’ve grabbed all the ships. I got a little errand to run.”

“I’m not doing a goddamned thing until you tell me exactly what you are talking about!” Rupert yelled. “Your great-grandchildren are trapped and you’re running an errand?!?”

“I’ve already taken care of that too,” Sasha replied with a grim chuckle. “In just a few minutes you are going to get a couple of visitors. They’ll tell you what I can’t over the phone. I trust these guys with my life. You should too. Do what they tell you and everything will be ok.”

“Big Momma, what the hell are you-”

The call terminated.

Rupert just sat on the kitchen floor staring at the phone. He knew better than trying to call back. She wouldn’t answer.

The phone rang almost instantly. It was his VP. She was losing her shit. Apparently when Big Momma said that she was taking over the business and talking to the bankers she wasn’t kidding. She just hocked everything! In fact, she had managed to secure loans the size of which were beyond belief. He had no idea how she did it, knowing her it was something legally questionable at best.

Rupert really didn’t care anymore. His kids were in danger! He didn’t have time for this bullshit.

“Darleen,” he said calmly. “She is the one who actually owns the company and she can do whatever the fuck she wants to with it.”

“But what are we going to do?” Darleen moaned.

“Well, I just got off the phone with the crazy old bat,” Rupert said sighing heavily. “I guess we are doing this her way. Sell everything.”

“What?”

“You heard me. If it isn’t nailed down sell it. If it is nailed down pry that shit up and then find a buyer.”

“This is crazy and considering the loans she just took probably illegal!” Darleen yelled. “We will be ruined!”

“No,” Rupert sighed. “She will be ruined. The fact that we are going down with her seems to be of little concern to her. She owns the store, she calls the shots. Sell everything. Looks like things are going to shit here so try to find buyers for our equipment off-world or something.” ʀäNò𐌱Ęꞩ

“I won’t be a party to this!” Darleen shouted. “We need to call the board!”

“The board is just a bunch of her old raid-” Rupert was cut off by a distant explosion. “Do you hear that?” he yelled. “There are explosions in my neighborhood! The world is falling to shit and you are worried about a fucking company?!? There isn’t going to be a world left to run it in! Now if you won’t do exactly what Big Momma wants then I will find someone who will! Sell everything!”

“… Fine...” Darleen grumbled. “But not until I call the board.”

“Don’t bother. You’re fired. Clear out your shit,” Rupert snapped.

“W-what?”

“I don’t have time for this! My kids are in a death camp, they are re-enacting the Terran War outside, my grandmother has apparently lost her mind, and we can't even get a fucking box of Bunny Crunch!”

“Bunny Crunch?”

“Just… Just pack your shit. You’ll get your package. I’d sell your shares at market price right fucking now if I were you.”

“Rupert, please,” Darleen begged.

“I’m doing you a favor,” Rupert snapped. “Big Momma talked about taking the company back to it’s ‘roots’. If she is talking about the roots I think she is talking about you need to get the fuck out of there. Now clear out your shit. I have my life's work to chop up and sell.”

Rupert hung up and let the phone slip through his fingers. He went over and started to hug Tessa. He didn’t know what else to do.

As more blaster fire rang out in the distance there was a knock at the door.

He picked up the phone and pulled up the camera. There were several very old people standing outside.

“Figures,” he muttered and walked to the door.

An elderly gentleman smiled as the door opened.

“Shawn Vance,” their leader said with a polite nod. “I’m an old… associate of your grandmother’s.”

***

In the black outer reaches of an insignificant dead system a huge freighter slipped out of hyperspace and decloaked.

“Black Dragon to Princess. Do you read?”

“Princess here,” one of a dozen ships hiding in the system transmitted back. “Glad to see you Black Dragon”.

“All of your ships are to decloak immediately. Only one ship will approach at any given time. Do you understand?”

“Aww, you are making us feel like you don’t trust us.”

“You rashers are lucky we are even here. If you don’t like it we will happily depart.”

“Ok, Terran scum, if we little piggies scare you that bad we’ll play your bullshit game. I am jumping to your position now.”

“Wait until we have deployed our Shrikes. We will tell you when you are cleared for approach.”

“Shrikes? Damn, Johnny, rolling out the red carpet, huh?”

“Your reputation precedes you, Sasha,” Johnny responded. “If you think I’m going to let a fucking belter pirate bum-rush us you got another thing coming.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment. Let me know when I can rendezvous with you, Sasha out.”

***

About an hour later Sasha Glent stood in one of the airlocks leading into the Black Dragon.

“Alright, you’re clean. No virus detected.” a voice said over a speaker. “There is a table just inside. Please put all of your weapons there, including the derringer you have tucked into your panties.”

“Spoilsport,” Sasha laughed.

The airlock cycled and Sasha stepped inside the ship dutifully putting all of her arms (including her pantie pistol) on the table.

A hatch opened and a large tough-looking muscular black man entered flanked on either side by shotgun carrying armored guards.

“You must be Johnny,” Sasha said her deeply wrinkled face breaking out into a smile. “You look just like Hortense. How is the old biddy anyhow?”

“Why not ask her yourself?” an ancient voice called out as the hatch opened again and a venerable ebon-skinned woman, wearing a mobility exoskeleton, stepped into the room.

“Holy shit it’s robo-cunt!” Sasha said with a grin.

“Ha, ha, bitch,” Hortense said as she stepped forward arms wide. “Shit it’s good to see you again, Sash.”

“You too, Hort,” she said hugging her. “God, it’s been what? A hundred years?”

“More or less,” Hortense replied. “I’m sorry about Micah. Considering how everything went I didn’t know if I should have said something or sent something but his loss was noted. He was a good man, an asshole, but a good man.”

“Thanks, I still miss that asshole,” Sasha replied. “He never forgave you for splitting the crew and siding with that fucker Nakamura by the way.”

“And I can’t believe you would throw in with that Morgan cunt,” Hortense replied. “Jesus, Sasha, after what she did?”

“Oh and the Terrans were any better? Chaplin’s Raiders? The Knights? Patricia fucking Hu?!? They were just as shitty as Morgan was if not worse! Jessica Morgan might have been evil incarnate but I’ll take the devil that I know any day. Besides,” Shasha grinned, “The smart money was on Morgan and you know it! Who would have thought that Zeus would suddenly shit out a million rifles… and that they would actually work!”

“You could have still switched sides later on, you know,” Hortense said. “I had connections. I could’ve slipped you in no problem.”

“Nobody trusts a traitor, Hortense,” Sasha replied. “You of all people should know that. I was pretty sure that those mud crawlers would have hung you belters out to dry the second they stopped needing you. To be honest, I was kinda disappointed when they didn’t.”

“Ouch,” Hortense laughed. “Well, it seems to have worked out for you in the end. You certainly have the credits to throw around. Speaking of, we got almost everything you asked for.”

“Almost everything?”

“No ground pounders,” Hortense said firmly. “I’m not giving you porkies reentry capable missiles. I trust you but if just one of those things got in the hands of someone wanting to settle an old score I can not risk that coming back on me. You will have to get those somewhere else.”

“Fine,” Sasha chuckled. “I figured those were a long shot.”

“And I couldn’t get my hands on enough blasters or gauss rifles, but I got loads of AK’s and a fucking mountain of ammo, the good stuff.”

“Well, those AK’s won you assholes Sol so I guess they’ll do. What about the compliance tubes? Were you able to get some of those?”

“Just a few,” Hortense grinned.

A large set of doors opened revealing the main cargo bay. Inside were thousands of tubes arranged on pallets.

“Ho-lee shit!” Sasha gasped.

Hortense grinned.

“And they are all top quality, latest generation targeting and fire control with shield defeating five kiloton warheads, enough oomph to take down a Fed battleship. Don’t get any ideas though. If you try to target a Republic naval vessel or a settlement you won’t like what happens.”

“You got us nukes?”

“I figured I would take all those credits you were flashing,” Hortense laughed. “Annnd I have something perhaps just as nice.” She tossed Sasha a small pouch.

“What’s this?”

“Concentrated emergency rations,” Hortense smiled. “That little brick has enough calories and nutrients to support one combatant for twenty-four hours. It’s a lot like eating greasy candle-wax but it will keep you going and they will keep forever. I have 250,000 units.”

“Nice!” Sasha exclaimed. “I’ll take the lot!”

Sasha started to wander through the cargo bay.

“What about heavy weapons?” she asked.

“I have light, medium, and heavy machine guns, mortars, rocket launchers, recoilless rifles, grenade launchers, anti-material rifles, and more!” Hortense exclaimed happily. “Everything you need to get an army on its feet.”

“Once we get these tubes bought and the small-arms squared away I will definitely want some of those!” Sasha replied. “If I have enough cargo space that is.”

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Hortense said after a few moments. “Unless you are doing a lot better than I thought this has to be a healthy multiple of every credit you have to your name. I get the whole wanting to arm yourself but this goes way beyond that. What gives?”

“They got my great-grandchildren,” Sasha growled. “When they did that they declared war on Sasha Glent! If they want a war then that’s exactly what they are gonna get… Well that,” Sasha grinned, “and I’m going to make a fucking fortune reselling this shit. Every porkie in the Federation is screaming for guns and somebody’s gotta sell them...”

“There’s the Sasha I know and love!” Hortense laughed. She then pulled out a glazed stoneware jug. “How ‘bout we catch up, and talk about how much money we are going to make, while you’re getting your ships loaded?”

“Oh no! Not your star-squeezings!” Sasha laughed. “I don’t think my old liver can handle that!”

“Hey!” Hortense exclaimed. “This is made from actual corn! And I've gotten a little better over the years. There is a very good chance you won’t go blind!”

***

Jon watched the news with a frown.

“Well, our porcine friends certainly know how to throw a fit,” Toby said as he poured himself a cup of tea.

“Serves the fucking Feds right,” Skippy snarled. “Hope they give ‘em what they got coming.”

“I’m not one to compliment those fucks but our history shows exactly how much of a mess those assholes can cause. We want them all dead for a reason,” Jon said as he scratched Skippy behind the ears. “I’m sure they will show the Feds a good time. What I don’t like is this intel report you got for us. Hu has slipped offworld? Fuck. We missed our shot.”

“How did you get that intel, Skippy?” Toby asked as he sipped his tea.

“Yeah, it’s about time you met the guys,” Skippy said as she leaned into Jon’s scritches.

“The guys?” Jon asked.

“Yep. You know that conference table you wondered about?”

***

Later that evening Jon and Skippy made their way to the noodle shop. The owner smiled and unlocked the door leading into the back for them.

Inside, seated around the conference table, were five beings each of a different race.

“Gentlebeings,” Skippy said with a smile. “May I present Jon Wintersmith.”

“Greetings,” a rotund toad-like being said with a deep rumble, “I am Vulzzzzrup of the R’rrurrk.”

“Gtx-Zxx of the Xneel,” a slender insectoid creature buzzed as it nodded it’s head.

“Hlungh of the Huuunnn” a lightly furred hexapod said with a quite human like smile revealing an impressive set of fangs.

“Morzoan of the Ulunth” an oddly translucent green mound said, it’s “voice” coming from a speaker it wore around its neck.

“Karalintu of the Morai, a thin lavender skinned biped with an elongated pointed head, mandibles, and an entirely disturbing number of what were probably eyes.

“And Skippy of the Xvli,” Skippy said plopping down into one of the seats. “Please join us, Jon.”

“Ok...” Jon said dubiously as he took a seat next to Skippy.

“Unfortunately the rest of us were unable to send representatives in time for this meeting but there is a quorum present so we can proceed,” Vulzzzzrup rumbled.

“Now Jon,” Skippy said holding his hand, “I love you very much. You know that, right?”

“Yeah?”

“But my first priority is my people. You have to understand that, right?”

“Ok...”

There were mutterings from the other beings around the table.

“Yeah, we are a couple,” Skippy said to the group, “deal with it.”

“Unexpected,” Morzoan said as he made an odd bubbling noise.

“That’s putting it mildly,” Vulzzzzrup added, “I am concerned about a conflict of interest.”

“There is no conflict,” Skippy growled. “To imply such is to put my loyalty to the Xvli in question. Are you certain you want to do that, Vulzzzzrup?”

“The question must be addressed,” Karalintu piped, “You abandon your position, a very valuable position for us, to take up arms with this Terran? I already had concerns but to now know that you are lying with him...”

“Hey! I made a judgment call,” Skippy snapped. “This situation with the Terrans is far more important than some shit council seat. You assholes can buy five to take my place.”

“But they aren’t one of us”, Karalintu intoned. “You must understand the significance of that.”

“And I’ll get back on the council when this is done,” Skippy replied. “Don’t worry. I’m just taking a little break, that’s all.”

“If you can get back on the council,” Vulzzzzrup croaked.

“Oh that won’t be a problem,” Skippy chuckled. “They love me and this little stunt will put my numbers through the roof. Shacking up with a Terran? Wiping the floor with a few more? They will just gobble those pellets up!”

“I don’t like this,” Gtx-Zxx buzzed, “but I do trust Skippy. I do not doubt her loyalty to her people nor to us. If she feels that abandoning her position to take up arms with these Terrans is a good move then we should at least hear her out.”

“Thank you, Gtx-Zxx,” Skippy said. “I’m not going to lie to you. My main reason for abandoning my joke of a position and take up arms is purely personal. The man that I love is in peril and I’m not letting him go alone. I love Jon. Pure and simple.” She paused as she looked adoringly at Jon, then she returned her gaze to the assembly. “That being said there are plenty of reasons for one of us to be with them. The situation in the Republic could easily become a threat to us all. If Patricia Hu succeeds in usurping the Republic then it’s only a matter of time before there is war. We obviously don’t want that, do we? We also have wanted to establish direct contact with the Republic. Aiding Jon serves that aim. Once this is resolved our aid will not go unnoticed. This is an incredible opportunity for us. The fact that I’m serving my own personal interests is irrelevant. For the cost of one ship and sharing intelligence that we are gathering anyway we gain exactly what we have been desperately needing.”

“Ok, Skippy,” Jon said with a poker face, “exactly what the flying fuck is going on?”

“Jon, remember when I said that there were other races that had the same opinion of the Federation as we Xvli? What I didn’t say was that we have formed a ‘friendship’ of sorts, what you in the Republic would call a 'special interest group'. We, unofficially of course, often cooperate sharing intelligence, resources, and the like. We have never officially given ourselves a name, but the Federation calls us the Cabal.”

“They consider us something akin to organized crime, not a ‘special interest group’,” Karalintu laughed making a musical blast. “They aren’t overly fond of us.”

“Yes,” Vulzzzzrup rumbled. “They do not look kindly upon things in their little kingdom that they cannot control. Most of our actions, however, are legal… mostly...”

“I see,” Jon mused. “Makes sense. And we are getting our ship from you?”

“Yes,” Vulzzzzrup replied. “a very nice ship. It should serve your purposes quite well.”

“And what do you, all of you,” Jon asked looking squarely at Skippy, “expect in return.”

“Nothing but the beginnings of a dialogue,” Morzoan bubbled. “It would not be a good beginning to what will hopefully become a lasting relationship if we were to take advantage of your current difficulties now would it? We want to become friends and that will not happen if we… secrete our sperm onto you while you are crawling? Did that translate?”

“Yeah,” Jon laughed. “Yeah it did. So what do you want out of our friendship?”

Vulzzzzrup made a deep rumbling sound.

“We are… very unhappy with the Federation. We’ve never liked them overmuch but over the past few years a mild distaste has grown into much more.”

“Ever since the Great War,” Gtx-Zxx added, “We were quite unhappy with the Federation’s decision to sit back and let you and the Empire bleed yourselves nearly to death when we were clearly the beneficiaries of your sacrifice. We should have committed forces to your aid. Perhaps together we could have done more than just thwart their advance. We might have been able to put an end to the threat for good.”

“Then there was that… spilled spawn… that was the Terran War,” Karalintu said with a blaring noise. “Disgraceful, shameful, foolish… cowardly… and even worse a complete failure. All they accomplished was to completely alienate both the Republic and the Empire.”

“If the Collective strikes here, which according to our intelligence their probable next move, we will be abandoned to our fate by both the Republic and the Empire,” Morzoan said with a squirting noise.

“You got that right,” Jon replied. “You fuckers are on your own.”

“And it took the combined military might of the Empire and the Republic, each of them more than our equal to stop them last time. Next time it will be even worse. When, not if, they attack us the Federation is fucked,” Skippy said calmly, “Fucked. And when the bugs come crawling over us we don’t want to go extinct. Our homeworlds are probably doomed but we cannot just sit and wait for our eventual extinction. That’s why we want to establish good relations with the Republic, and dare to dream the Empire, independently of the Federation.”

She paused and took a deep breath.

“Courage, [email protected]~kthAAAaalliIi,” she said as she grabbed Jon’s hand. “That’s why I volunteered to be the council’s liaison with you. That’s why I started to try to establish a rapport with you. But that’s it! I didn’t plan on falling for you, Jon. That wasn’t the plan! If anything it was the opposite of the plan! My feelings for you are real, Jon. They-”

Jon patted her hand.

“No, I get it,” he said gently. “In a perfect world we would just be two beat up old vets who hooked up over some noodles but that isn’t the world we live in. I have my loyalties and you have yours. I would be pretty stupid if I thought that you would betray your people for me and I hope you aren’t stupid enough to believe that I would betray my people for you. I knew this would be complicated when I let you lead me into that pile of cushions.”

He paused as he stroked her fur.

“And if I’m being perfectly honest I cultivated our friendship with some ulterior motives as well,” he said with a smile, “I am… was the ambassador after all. What happened after that happened… and I love you too,” he said as he kissed her much to the discomfort of the others in the room. “As long as I can love you and love the Republic I will do both. Please don’t make me have to chose. You won’t like my decision.”

Skippy breathed a huge sigh of relief and leaned into Jon.

“And for the record knowing that you are getting all of this intel and the ship from this ‘Cabal’ and not from the Federation is a huge load off of my mind!” Jon said with a grin. “A shadowy pseudo-criminal organization I can deal with and sleep at night. Kissing up to the Feds just made me kinda queasy!”

“See!” Skippy said brightly. “I knew you guys would like him!”

“I’m glad you two entangled slugs have resolved things,” Morzoan bubbled, “Just in time for us to thoroughly annoy your lover.”

“Oh?” Jon said as he raised his eyebrow.

“Do we have to get into this now?” Skippy whined.

“Oh I think it’s best if we get everything out in the open right here and now,” Jon said firmly. “Annoy away.”

“We know about the Titan class carriers and the arks,” Morzoan said with a little burp.

“Say what now?”

“You heard me, human,” Morzoan replied. “We know about them. We know that you are currently constructing a class of carrier that dwarfs the Retribution Class. We also know that in a departure from your policies, you are making a point to pay close attention to race and sex when it comes to manning them. We know that you are doing so because the Titan Class will be able to carry enough humans to be a genetically viable sample. We also know of the great arks that you have been building since the Great War, each fully self sufficient and capable of once again, carrying enough humans to be genetically viable.”

“We, of course,” Gtx-Zxx said, “have absolutely no idea where they are being built, even we cannot locate your Grand Shipyard or Shipyards as I personally suspect is the case. We also have no information concerning the design of these craft save that they are somehow even bigger than your already obscene carriers. We simply know that they are being built and that a surprising number of people are simply ‘disappearing’ never to be seen again.”

“Well I can honestly tell you that I have no idea what you are talking about,” Jon replied. “That is way beyond my pay grade and since I’m posted in a foreign locale they certainly wouldn’t include me in the briefings.”

“You are building them,” Vulzzzzrup said simply. “Our intelligence network is still quite intact. Your shipyard workers have absolutely no idea where they are taken but they aren’t blind. And while they are carefully screened there are so many of them that at least one of them is willing to talk. The Terrans are taking precautions so that they will exist as a species even if the Collective overruns all of known space. We also know that there has been significant effort in locating and perhaps even reaching habitable worlds well beyond the range of what is considered practical or even possible. We would like to take part in this endeavor.”

“At the very least,” Skippy added. “You have a lot of space available on the worlds you already inhabit, space enough to accommodate significant portions of our populations not even considering all the room in the solar systems for space based colonies. That’s it, Jon,” Skippy said gripping his hand nervously. “We just don’t want to go extinct because the fucking Feds are morons.”

“Well I wouldn’t have been able to make any promises before and I certainly can’t now,” Jon said thoughtfully. “I also honestly have no knowledge of these ‘arks’ or these ‘Titan Class’ carriers. But what you want is perfectly understandable and quite reasonable.”

He paused and looked up at the ceiling.

“And if the bugs do attack in sufficient force that the Federation goes under we’re next and we will want every single gun and every single ship we can get. I assume you would be willing to join us in defending your new home?”

“Absolutely,” Karalintu sang. “And we have significant military forces at our disposal. The Xvli aren’t the only ones constantly in trouble with the Federation.”

“And that’s just the forces that they know about,” Vulzzzzrup said with a satisfied croak. “We have plenty of firepower, not enough to defeat the collective by ourselves but should we stand together you will be far from disappointed.”

“Again I can’t make a single promise but I can tell you that should I by some miracle regain any decision making capacity this is very interesting. If I can’t talk to you myself I can probably get you guys in touch with the right people.”

“That’s all we can ask,” Skippy said as she nuzzled him. “I am so happy to finally get this off of my chest, Jon.”

“So, we have a ship?” Jon asked as he managed to look through Skippy’s fur at the assembly.

“Yes, it’s already on the surface at a hidden location,” Vulzzzzrup replied quite uncomfortable at the display of inter-species affection in front of him. “In fact, the crew is here and waiting to meet you.”

Vulzzzzrup picked up a communicator and typed in a message.

A moment later a door leading into the room opened and a small black-haired human woman and a flink wearing a brightly colored loose shirt decorated with strange looking flowers walked in.

“I’m Beth and this is Scales,” she said with a look of pure displeasure on her face. “And I’m just de-fucking-lighted to be working with you Terran fuckers!”

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