Tales From the Terran Republic

(Musical intro plays as the station’s logo is displayed)

‘Lissa appeared on the screen.

“Good afternoon Zaran-7! It’s ‘Lissa Kay here on Sunshine Radio, your favorite source of music, videos, news, weather, and sports…”

‘Lissa took a deep breath and looked squarely at the camera.

“It has been confirmed that the forces commanded by Jessica Morgan… sorry… General Morgan… have engaged the approaching Federation fleet… and… um… The… the Federation fleet has been completely destroyed... Multiple nuclear fusion events have been detected throughout the system… She had nukes, guys. All cruisers, the battleship Formidable, and all troop carriers have been destroyed… Federation casualties (God)… Federation casualties are well in excess of one hundred and fifty thousand… There are reports of fighting on the surface in the vicinity of the Federation forces on the surface here on Zaran-7, however our SDF has stated that they are remaining neutral…”

‘Lissa took a deep breath.

“It looks pretty scary, guys. I’m not gonna lie. But things seem fairly calm here on the surface so don’t panic. The latest SDF safe zones are posted on our website. These are areas that are secured by the SDF and they say that there is plenty of food, water, and beds… courtesy of the Forsaken… The Forsaken have also provided distribution points for medical scanners and other medical supplies. Any licensed medical professionals are promised safe passage and protection. If any hospital or clinic desires it they can contact the Forsaken ombudsman’s office to arrange for armed escort or to have a site-specific drop off. The Forsaken have also issued a statement saying that unjustified attacks on non-humans will not be tolerated and those caught will be subjected to summary execution...”

‘Lissa closed her eyes and sighed.

“Zaran-7 has for all intents and purposes fallen under Forsaken control. There is currently a non-aggression agreement between the Forsaken and the SDF… The SDF… Well, the Forsaken is running the show now, folks… And I’ve been ‘politely asked’ to state that anyone, healthy or infected, that wishes to join them… Well there is a link on our (bleep)-ing home page now… And, yes, you heard me right, they are accepting able-bodied infected. They are organizing ‘plague ships’… So if you want a chance to…”

“Sorry, I’m not saying that! Look, we put a god(bleep) recruiting link on our web page! What more do they fuc-… I don’t give a (bleep) who they are! I’m doing news, not recruiting! If people want to join they can click the link but I will be damned if I’m going to be their (bleep)-ing dancing monkey. This is Sunshine Radio not Forsaken Butt-buddies Radio!... Well give me the phone and I’ll tell them myself! Hell I’ll do one better!”

‘Lissa glared at the camera.

“We are Sunshine Radio your favorite source of music, videos, news, weather, and sports! We are NOT Forsaken Butt-buddies Radio! In fact I have my own personal message for our new friends. You can-”

(Musical intro plays as the station logo is displayed)...

***

“’Lissa, no!” the queen-captain of the Nothing to See Here cried out in dismay.

“She’s kibble,” the communications officer said. “Gotta admire the plates on that bitch, though.”

“They go after ‘Lissa and they are getting a spur up their ass!” the queen-captain snapped. “I will personally break one off in their… well wherever it is that they don’t want one to go!”

“Looks like the fusion explosions have stopped,” the science officer reported. “Nothing but crude gauss cannons now… with chemical explosive payloads? Sourcemother! Why don’t they just throw rocks?”

“Those ‘rocks’ of theirs are working just fine, Preenx,” the tactical officer said as she examined her top-secret ultra-low power colloidal magnetic ink displays, “Those ‘rocks’ of theirs can rip a hole right through a shield and then some. It's weird but I’m pretty sure I’m getting copper emission spectrum lines from the impacts. I think… I think there is a copper secondary projectile of some sort. Never seen anything quite like it but it is doing some serious damage!”

“So they are all they way up to the bronze-age!” Preenx snickered.

“The Feds thought the same thing,” the queen-captain chuckled, “and we just saw what happened to them. These ‘primitives’ have consistently stomped the eggs out of whatever they have faced… including the ‘others’.”

“But that was the Terrans, not these… what do they call them? Porkies?”

“Same species,” the queen-captain replied. “And as much as I hate it, these primitives have a spy-craft out here that is better than us.”

She turned to the communications officer.

“Any luck finding that little mite?”

“I got nothin’.” Vxzxu replied with a little click. “They are a ghost. We got that one (heh) ‘high-power’ whisper and now they are using some weird porkie-tech oddness.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” Vxzxu replied with a touch of admiration in his voice, “From what I can tell, the mite is using a very low-power but highly columnated energy beam of some sort. It spreads out enough by the time it reaches Zaran-7 to blanket a decent area but out here it’s probably no wider than Preenx’s butt-hole.”

Preenx replied with a rather vulgar display of that particular part of her anatomy to the amusement of the bridge crew.

“Yeah, about like that,” Vxzxu laughed. “so there is nothing to intercept or locate. All I’m getting are echoes from where it grazes something after spreading out but it is too far away and too weak for me to be able locate the source. There isn’t enough of a signal to even really analyze. I’m just getting fragments which are completely uncrackable, damn their alien cyphers. I still can’t even figure out what’s a one and what’s a zero.”

“Completely uncrackable,” Preenx snickered, “or just uncrackable by you?”

“This coming from the ‘science officer’ who missed the copper-”

“Would you two please confine your courtship to off-duty hours?,” the queen-captain laughed to both of their intense discomfort. The crew chuckled. It was painfully obvious to everyone that they both really had the hots for each other but were just hissing and spitting at each other like two moltlings still unused to their glands.

“So when you say low-power,” the queen-captain asked Vxzxu, “Exactly how low-power are we talking about?”

“Any ship that is receiving the signals has to have the capacity of a Federation astronomical radio-telescope, a good one.”

“We should be able to detect it then. Is there a ship like that out there?” the queen-captain asked the tactical officer

“Nothing really stands out,” the tactical officer replied, “which means it isn’t Fed-tech, probably more of their porkie black-magic.”

“What about the ship engineering drawings they are required to file?” the queen-captain asked, “Anything in the Federation Command databases?”

“About those,” the tactical officer replied with a spritz of amusement, “While I can’t get a lot of detail this far out, I can get enough to tell you that the humans treated those drawings as a creative-writing exercise. Over half of those ships deviate from their official designs enough for me to see it from here. Fuck, a good percentage of them aren’t even registered, especially those small gunships. From the energy signatures I think those are actually pre-contact believe it or not. Those aren’t Fed thrusters.”

“Sneaky!” the queen-captain replied. “I like it!”

“Good news!” Vxzxu exclaimed. “The Forsaken aren’t angry with ‘Lissa.”

“Thank the Sourcemother!” the queen-captain replied as a strongly-scented cloud of relief filled the bridge.

“In fact, that Colonel Reese guy just told some very frightened network piss-ants that she ‘just got some street cred’ whatever that means. It sounds like a good thing based on context. He told them to keep her on the air.”

“That makes sense,” the tactical officer mused. “If ‘cred’ is short for ‘credibility’ she definitely established that by being openly defiant. Based on what we know about human psychology it would make her much more believable.”

“Makes her more believable to us as well,” the queen-captain replied. “I knew I liked her.”

Moments later the musical intro for Sunshine Radio filled the bridge and ‘Lissa’s image appeared on the widescreen e-ink main monitor.

“Ooo!” the queen-captain enthused. “She’s back!”

***

(Musical intro plays as the station’s logo is displayed)

‘Lissa appeared on the screen.

“And we’re back!” ‘Lissa said brightly. “I just had a little chat with management and have been told not to share personal messages on the air… Hee hee… So, if any Forsaken want to hear it please contact the station,” she said as she flashed the camera an impish grin.

She then looked down at the monitors in front of her.

“Nothing new on the news front. The SDF holds their security areas and the Forsaken prowl the streets. Oh, and anybody thinking about doing any raping or pillaging better think twice. The Forsaken have guaranteed the safety of the Zaran people so as they so delicately put it, ‘unless you want to wind up hanging from a street light, behave yourself.’ Nice to see law and order are still intact, huh?… Wait!… What?!?”

‘Lissa stared down at a holo-monitor for a few seconds.

“Breaking news! The remaining Federation forces have just surrendered! Repeat, the Federation has unconditionally surrendered to the Forsaken!… Hope you know what you are doing, guys,” she winced. “According to Forsaken representatives the surrender will be honored and the well-being of the Federation troops is guaranteed provided they lay down their arms… Jesus, that’s a lot of guns… Guess those AK’s aren’t looking quite so nifty now, huh?” she laughed.

“Ok, we are opening up the lines so we can come together as a planet,” ‘Lissa said somewhat sternly. “Please keep it civil, folks… please...”

“Let’s get the ball rolling with a video call!” ‘Lissa said with a big smile. “You have reached Sunshine Rad-… Oh God(bleep)it...”

“Wooooooo!” Gwen, wearing an armored combat vest, yelled as she brandished an old earth-tech plasma thrower, “Miss me, (bleep)?”

“What the (bleep) do you want, you little (bleep),”‘Lissa replied and then looked at the screen curiously. “Are you on a ship?”

“(bleep) yeah! My ship! Woooooooo!” Gwen yelled, “I got me a (bleeping) Class Sixteen, baby! You won’t believe the deal I got!” she laughed.

“Let me guess,” ‘Lissa smirked, “It was a ‘steal’?”

“Yeah,” Gwen snorted. “I got a killer deal on it!”

“Christ,” ‘Lissa muttered. “So why are you calling this time? Another proclamation from on high or are you just here to show off the bodies of some innocent victims again?”

Gwen lunged off screen and drug a very disheveled and frightened looking teenaged boy into frame.

“See, Ms. Carol,” Gwen yelled, “Johnny is just fine! Please stop calling my mom every five minutes! And look!” she yelled as she yanked the guy’s shirt up, “Not even a nibble! So. Stop. Calling!”

“You gotta be kidding me,” ‘Lissa muttered as she facepalmed… hard.

She turned to the clearly terrified teen.

“Tell her, Johnny,” she said. “Tell Ms. Carol that you’re ok!”

“...heh heh… I’m fine, mom… heh...” Johnny stammered, “… fine… just fine… heh… fine…”

“And?” Gwen asked.

“…heh… and I just wanted to let you know, mom… that… that… heh… I’m here of my own free will… heh… absolutely of my own free will… heh…. go angels… heh…”

“And?” Gwen asked with a very meaningful look.

“...heh… and I’m proud to be a part of the historic events taking place today… heh… completely… proud… heh… and totally here of my own free will… heh…” he said looking at Gwen helplessly.

“Annnnnd?”

“Oh Jesus Christ,” ‘Lissa muttered.

“And the rest of they guys are ok, too. Mark, and Bill, and Susan… they are all ok and… heh… totally here of their own free will too… heh heh… totally fine with it… happy to help… really…”

“See, Ms. Carol,” Gwen said with an exasperated sigh, “Johnny is just fine, so are the rest of our nerds so please… please… PLEASE, stop calling my mom! I’m trying to run an operation here so please give it a rest! They are perfectly safe and can come home any time they want to… right, Johnny?”

“heh… Right!” Johnny squeaked, “Totally here of our free will and can leave whenever we want!… heh… totally… So please stop calling Gwen’s mom, mom... You are going to make her mad! Please!… please...”

“I’m with Johnny on this one, Ms. Carol,” ‘Lissa muttered between the fingers covering her face, “Probably don’t want to tick off mass-murder Barbie over there.”

“Well, I would love to hang out more,” Gwen said cheerfully. “but I gotta ship to run!”

With a cheerful wave she terminated the call.

“And let that be a lesson to you kids,” ‘Lissa said still facepalming. “When the cute girl asks you to hang out after class make sure that there isn’t an armed insurrection being planned.”

“Ok… Next caller!”

***

With a flip of her hair and an exasperated sigh, Gwen put her phone in the pocket of her combat vest and plopped down in the captain’s chair.

“T-that was good, right?” Johnny asked nervously, “You’re not mad, are you?”

“Johnny, relax,” Gwen replied. “You are one of my cherubs! I wouldn’t harm one little feather on your teeny-tiny little baby wings.”

“Y-you wouldn’t?”

“Of course not,” she said in a reassuring voice. “You are one of my peeps! Now go help the other nerdlings pull that transponder and those ship override modules.”

“Y-yes, ma’am!” Johnny yelped as he scurried off of the bridge.

“Such a fucking goofball,” she muttered fondly and then turned to the athletic brunette manning the helm.

“Lay in a course 34 by 232 degrees ahead one quarter.”

“Aye-aye, captain!”

“Comms!”

“Captain!” an auburn-haired cheerleader replied.

“Hail the Archangel and inform them that we have secured the vessel and are moving to rendezvous with the fleet… (sigh) And tell Gram-gram that I sent word to Ms. Carol that Johnny is fine. Then contact the SDF and see if they have a shuttle available for prisoner transfer.”

“Yes Captain!”

She smiled and closed her eyes as a wave of complete and total self-fulfillment washed over her. When other kids were playing with plush toys she was running around with a toy starship in her hands. From the moment she could turn on a console or boot up a PC almost every single game she played was a simulator. Thanks to her family’s connections she logged more actual simulator hours than a lot of working spacefarers and had been filling out her qualification cards for multiple posts before she even hit puberty. She might be impossibly green but she was technically qualified to command. Besides, she took her crew out and took her ship. By all rights, customs, and traditions of what is now the Forsaken the ship was hers!

This… This is what she dreamed of her whole life! The carnage was… Well, it was fun and all, something you had to do if you wanted to be an Angel, but this… A ship! She had an actual ship! She ran her hands along the arms of her captain’s chair. This was better than sex!

Not only was it a ship but it was a Federation Class Sixteen, definitely one of the top twenty on her list of favorites! She had really hoped for a Class Twelve but there weren’t any of those in this fleet. Then again, the Sixteen was almost as fast and had a shitload more cargo space and a lot more places to attach hardpoints so she could live with the ‘disappointment’. Then again, one of the nice things about piracy is that this is just the ship you have until you grab (or trade for) something better!

She couldn’t fucking wait!

“Captain,” the comms officer said interrupting her near orgasmic bliss, “Um… You are being hailed by Gwen Shay the Elder… She intercepted the communication concerning our request for prisoner transfer… She doesn’t sound happy.”

Gwen winced. She knew Gram-gram would be pissed about that. It was understood that there was not going to be any quarter given. This was supposed to be our big and bloody entrance onto the scene but damn it. When this ship hailed them there was a human on the screen. All she had to do was open up her vest, let them take one look at the tattoo, and then give them “The Word of the Angels” that they could all survive if they just surrendered the ship and cargo. All she had to do was walk on board. No casualties and even more important, not even a single scorch mark on the paint!

If she wanted her to be all stupid and cut her way in guns blazing then she shouldn’t have made her read all those books. Sun Tzu himself said to build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across. It worked great!

“Gah!” Gwen huffed. “Put her on the main screen.”

“But don’t you want to-”

“If you think my butt is leaving this seat until I have to pee you have another thing coming,” Gwen replied. “Put Gram-gram through...”

Gwen Shay the Elder’s wizened and enraged face appeared on the main screen.

“Hi Gram-gram,” Gwen said nervously.

“You drop that ‘Gram-gram’ bullshit right fucking now,” Shay the Elder snarled. “You ain’t my baby-doll no more! When you took the mark and you decided to run a crew you became an Angel, and when I tell an Angel to kill...”

It went a bit better than she thought it would. Gram-gram was pissed, make no mistake, but once she realized that it was a ‘business decision’ and not her going soft she was cool with it, not thrilled, but cool. Besides, “Word of the Angels” had been given, by a Shay no less, so there wasn’t much Gram-gram could do about it. She might throw her great-granddaughter out of an airlock for it but the deal would be honored.

After the pissing match was over, she felt that she might not have passed with flying colors but she certainly didn’t fail. The fact that her ship was completely undamaged, she didn’t lose a single man, and could undertake missions immediately didn’t hurt. That definitely did NOT piss Gram-gram off.

When it was all over she still had both her command and her hide intact. She exhaled a relieved sigh and settled into her chair.

Now if only she could recruit at least one of the nerds…

That would be awesome.

***

“That little shit,” Shay the Elder said with the faintest of smiles as the connection was terminated.

She scowled as she felt the eyes of the entire bridge on her.

“Hey!” she snapped. “If someone, anyone, can take a Class Sixteen without losing a single man AND without putting a single scratch on it they can get away with making a command decision or two... but they had better fucking deliver!”

She looked over at her first mate with a smile.

“So she says her ship is good to go, eh? She wants to take her ship like a bitch then she can work like one. Have her collect supplies from the damaged freighters and transfer it to the Sargassos. Then, after she gets through with that she can be our shuttle bitch.”

“You want her to do surface runs in a Class Sixteen?” her first-mate asked raising his eyebrow as the entire bridge looked at their captain in shock.

“Hey, if the bitch says she can do any mission,” Shay said with an evil smirk, “then she can do any mission.”

And I know for a fact my baby-doll can pull it off, she added silently to herself. Even though a Class Sixteen was technically surface rated nobody actually landed one unless it was done by computer at a specially rated starport landing pad, not just plopping one down in a field. Even her hardened vets would flinch at the thought of doing it once much less repeatedly. It was a perfect way for her baby-doll to prove her mettle and it was a perfect way for Shay to show that she wasn’t babying her baby. (Which she totally was...)

“Hoo...” the first mate replied. “Yes, Captain.”

“Goddamn...” she heard someone quietly mutter.

Shay the Elder smiled. That's better.

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